Friday, August 19, 2011

Coming home

So my second blog is now about being home. It has only been a week and a half so I may have to change my mind about the things I write in this blog. I have to admit. It is different being home. Even more so than I expected. But the funny thing is, nothing has changed since I left. But I have. And I hope in a good way. It may be difficult to try and write about in words, but I will do my best. Just know, I am not trying to be cheesy or cliche. But if you really do know me, you know I am a real person that does not say cliche things, unless I really do deeply believe them. So here we go.

Since being home a few things have become quite apparent to me. Things do not bother me the way they used to. This goes back to my last blog. I used to be so hurt by other people's choices or actions. I took things so personally and worried way too much. And it seems that has changed since being gone. Not that I do not care about others, I still very much do. But I am trying to not let their decisions effect who I am. It makes for a less worrisome life.

The next thing is I have absolutely no idea what to do with my life. It is kinda funny the situation I am in right now. I am unable to get a teaching job until my fingerprint card comes in and that may not be for a bit of time. So I could work as a tutor, waitress, etc until that comes in. But it gives me time to finish my dissertation and decide what I really want to do with my life. Do I really want to go back into teaching in AZ? Do I want to move somewhere new? I just have no idea. But I am thankful I have the chance to figure things out.

And finally something I never thought would happen but am so thankful it has, I am happy and content in every aspect of my life. Meaning. Though a lot of my life is up in the air at the moment (okay everything is up in the air) I am totally fine. Better than fine actually. The old Lindsay would be sick with worry, sad I am "alone" in making this decision, scared of the money situation, and frustrated about not knowing what is next. But....
After going through that roller coaster that was Bath and seeing God's hand through every single part of it, I have to trust Him. I know why I had to go to England for a year. I am so darn stubborn, He had to send me across the world where I had no choice but to rely on Him and learn the lesson of leaning on Him alone. And now that the lesson is finally in my heart and my head, life is a lot easier to live. I know troubles will come but I hope I can remember that through the hardest year of my life, thus far, I survived only because God was there.

I share this with those that are reading this, not to make myself sound uber spiritual, but to hopefully give others the encouragement that even if you think you are out of God's reach, you aren't. And though it may be more painful than you ever imagined, God can use a difficult time to make you a stronger more faithful person.

Things may not have changed while I was away, but I certainly have. And I know this is only words, I hope you can see it in my life. And if you have not figured it out for yourself yet, you will just have to trust me when I say that leaning on God, and God alone, makes life so much easier. The verse about Jesus giving you rest from your burdens (Matthew 11:28-30) is so relevant to my life right now. And I am so thankful.