Wednesday, September 29, 2010

All By Myself

Days 2 and 3 of new adventure.
If you recall, I did not have the best night's sleep the night before. But I was determined to find a place to get a blanket and pillow. And an adapter for my laptop plug. Because I was hoping beyond hope my internet would work today. But in the meantime find a coffee shop with WiFi. So I waited til 8 am then headed into town, hefting Gilbert, my laptop, with me. I found this place called Cafe Nerro that seems to be the UK's Starbucks (though they do have Starbucks). But I could not use internet unless I got online and paid. Helpful. So I gave up and started just wandering the streets. Praying constantly. Then I come to a little place with a sign that says "@internet", an internet coffee shop for 1 pound. PTL!
I walked in, and the guy, no joke, looked like Mr. Antwoine "run and tell that" (Love, there is a brown person for you). Except he was no quite as loquacious as Antwoine seems to be, and seemed quite sleepy. Whatever. I got a computer, and when I saw I had an email from mom and Kim, I started crying. Tears running down my face. I mean they were not emotional emails by any means. Mom was telling me about our stray cat we have adopted. Yet, I was creating a new river in the internet cafe. I am not used to being alone. I get lonely very easily. I love people and making friends. And not having a soul I knew within thousands of miles (minus Lissa, but she is still pretty far) I could not handle it. Well, after having lots of time to think and pray I figured some things out through this. But more on that later.
With my internet fix taken care of I walked back to my place till 11 when I then walked back to "Boots", kinda a Walgreens type place opened. I searched for the things I needed (adapter, pillow, blanket, food.....) nothing. A worker came up and asked what I needed and he told me where I could get the stuff right across the way. Oh yes. And I did. So I was quite awkward with my pillow, big box of a quilt, bag of food, and bag. But I didn't care. I was excited to have my stuff. It did get heavy but then an old lady started walking next to me and started chatting with me. First real conversation I have had. She was walking home from church and I told her I would be looking for a church soon. Then, she asked if I was a Christian and I told her yes and she asked all about me. Then she just started praying for me. The nicest most perfect prayer for me at that moment. As we were walking down the street, my hands wanting to fall off from the weight of my load. I was once again fighting tears. We parted company, and I knew God was still there.
After dropping everything off. I had to make round 3 trip to town to catch the bus to school to get all registered which then would get me a cord for the internet.
I get there and the line is 5 miles long (well it seemed like it). I got to school around 3 and I did not get to anyone to check my things til 4:30. Just standing, listening to the Asians around me speak to each other. So after I get through this line I am sent to another to get my passport checked. Another 90 minute wait. Near 6 a lady told us we could come back tomorrow at ten if we did not want to wait since it will still be awhile. OH NO. I have waited this long. I will wait. I finally get everything checked out, but since it is so late she said to come back tomorrow and they will get everything checked out and I will be registered. Another night with no internet. So even though I was exhausted I went back to my cafe, it is mine because I am the only one that uses it. I checked my email and trudged home. Passed out at 8:30.
Well I woke up in the middle of the night in despair. I was a mess. Bawling, talking to God about how this was a mistake and I was going home. If I had had internet I would have gotten on Skype to call my parents to tell them I fail and can't do this. I did not know what I would do when I got home, but I WAS not staying here. I do not know anyone, I have not talked to my friends or family in days and I was through. I am not a quitter, but I could not do it. Well I got a few more hours of sleep. Listened to some worship music and prayed and asked God for 2 things today. Internet in my room and a friend. I went to my fav place now, said hello to Antwoine, talked to my bro on FB, crying again (Who knows what Antwoine thinks of me). Went to school, got everything taken care of within 20 minutes. Got my cord, I was elated. Then I walk out of the library and right in front of me is a tent with the sign "Christian Student Union". Seriously?! Lord, you really are amazing. So I plucked up my courage and walked over to them and asked what this was all about. They told me it was the Christian Students Union (really?) and asked about me. They gave me a list of activities this week and told me about how on Sunday all the church's will be sending a representative to talk so I can decide where I want to go. Wow. Just wow.
I walked home, and plugged in the cord...... drumroll. IT WORKED! It was still nightime at home so I bided my time and the second my mom got on skype I called. The second I heard her voice, ugly cry ensued. I told her my story. But also saying things were better today. She made a good point saying that maybe God did not allow me to call them the night before because I was going to quit, but now I am doing a bit better. I talked to my sister. And talked to Kim. And cried a.gain. But because of these rough times I realized some amazing things.
Now it is time for the moral of this incredibly long story:
Though I knew this going in, it was not as upfront and so desperately necessary how much I need to rely on God in my life. I love people so much, I truly believe it is one of the things God has gifted me with. But I think I let God slip in priorities to love people. But those 3 days, it was just me and Him. Which was so eye-opening. And something else became apparent to me. I had this magnificent ideal dream of how it would be like to over to England to get my degree. I was thinking, very selfishly, that I was finally getting my turn at life while I have had to wait all this time. All about what I thought I deserved. How arrogant! But I realized that one of the reasons God has allowed me to go on this adventure is to teach me to rely on Him more. Now I do believe He has an amazing plan and I will enjoy my time here, but that is not the only or most important reason for my coming. I pray I will be His tool to share with others and let Him mold me as He wants me to be.

Now there. Whoo. You still with me? I appreciate your prayers. It is still hard, but getting better everyday.