Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Hope

Now this is in conjunction with my last post. Realizing I need to put God first, not just in words but action, I have a great hope. As Matthew 6:33 promises, God will give me everything I need. So there have been some significant things that have happened in my life of late.

-I quit my secure job as a teacher
- I moved to England
-Paid a disgusting amount of money to get a MA degree
- Have less than zero idea about what I want to do with my life when I am done here
- My twin sister got engaged and will be married in October, a MONTH after I get back

And well, these are some pretty good reasons for me to curl up in a ball and panic and worry. And I tend to be a worrier. But no. Decision is made to not worry. To hope instead.

As I have said before the world is at my fingertips. And God has been so undeservingly faithful to me, it would be a slap in the face to Him to worry. I anticipate slipping up in this area, but hopefully I can come back here and remember.
Here is how I can hope:

Job: I was not entirely happy (putting it mildly) as a teacher. I have an opportunities to do something I REALLY love.

Moving: At the risk of sounding uber Christian and cliche, I have already learned so much about God by making this leap. And more shallow reason, I have can meet and see so many things I would have never had if I had stayed where I was.

Money: Well, this is a bit more difficult to hope, but when it comes to $ life has been quite easy for me, stretching me..... we shall see.

My Sister getting engaged: Now this one is interesting. When all those around me, close friends to almost strangers they congratulate me. Then some ask if I am okay. Kinda weird, right? But it is my twin and so it is assumed I would take it harder, rightly so. And if I were honest with myself, I do not hide the fact that I am not loving the fact that I have been alone romantically for many years. So it is not really out of the question for people to ask. But looking into the depths of my incredibly emotional heart I can honestly say I am fine with it. Happy for her and him. Not bitter. A little sad, yes, to be losing her in a way. Things have to change, understandably. But concerning myself and being alone. I get to hope still for what is coming. I get to hope there is a man out there for me. That will love me, marry me, and have a family with me. Though I forget this sometimes, I have to remind myself to hope. Though Jacqui is ahead of the game time wise, I get to experience new love and the adventure of finding it. Hope.

So I have decided to hope.