Thursday, January 16, 2014

Table for one

Ok, so a little secret about me.  I am pretty sure you do not already know.  Pretty groundbreaking.   Ready???  No.  For serious.  You ready???  I am single.  SAY WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Don't fall out of your chair or anything.  I will not be liable for any injuries.  You may be asking yourself "How could you be single?????  You are hilarious, kind, intelligent, gorgeous, AND love JC with all your heart??"  Well, first of all, thanks, you are too kind. Buuuuuut.  I know, RIGHT?  But that is not the question I am discussing today.  But believe me, God and I have discussed that question extensively.  Maybe for a later blog.

Ok, focus.  I am single.  It is just the way it is.  I am a Christian, 28-year-old, attractive, not as crazy as some, single lady.  And I am going to be completely honest.  It has not been the easiest road.  Although most in the church world will say it is not a big deal if directly asked; their actions and words say differently.  And do not get me wrong.  All the church people are lovely (for the most part) and just want what is best for me.  But let's be honest.  Most people (church and non-church people) do not understand the path that I and really, the Lord have chosen.

To be 28, closing in on 29, and have only had one boyfriend in high school, rarely go on dates and (GASP!) still a virgin in one or both of the churched and non-churched worlds is somewhat of an anomaly.  It is true. Don't be offended.  If you are..... sorrynotsorry.  For the longest time I thought there must have been something wrong with me.  Either I was not pretty or fun or "normal" enough (FYI totally over thinking that way now) for men to find me desirable.   Or, even worse, that I was not "spiritual" enough yet for God to bless me with a mate. 

So many people whom I love and look up to spiritually at one time or another said the cliché phrases to me "You have to love yourself first, before someone can love you" or "You have to be content in your singleness before God will bring someone in your life" or "THIS is your year, I just know it!!" or my absolute favorite, "When you least expect it, he will come".  Now, I am not saying that none of these have real truth to them. But, I do NOT believe that I have to have a checklist all checked off before I am blessed with a man.  Because let me tell you, I know many a married lady who do not necessarily have all those things checked off.  And no judgment to them.  I am saying, that I do not believe that my wonderful God has a checklist waiting for me to achieve all the goals before He can let a man enter my fabulous life.

I am the first one to admit that I am a major sinner.  And I am so thankful for my Jesus for saving me.  I will always be working on trying to live my life for Him and to be more like Christ everyday.  But because I get frustrated in my singularity some days, it is not a reason for God to hold that blessing from me.  I have learned and decided (I am sure to the dismay of others), that I am allowed to be sad sometimes about my singleness.  I am allowed to be lonely and feel that.  I am allowed to long to have someone to share my life with.  Because guess what?  I will be a great wife and mother to some man someday.  But just like others have frustrations and sad times about their job or parenting or spouses, really everything in this life, it can get rough.   But my singleness WILL NOT define me.  I see and feel amazing blessings in my life from being single.  Which is going to be talked a lot about in other blogs.  But it is not who I am.  I may have thought that for a long time, but no more.      

All the people that have ever said the clichés to me, I know love me with all their hearts and only want me to get my biggest dream to come true.  But, let's be real.  Most of them do not know the pain that comes with being single the way I am single in the world that I live in.  So that is what I hope to share with you.  How it is okay to feel.  But feel it and let it go.  No need to dwell.  I am Lindsay.  Not Single, 28, Female, JC lover.  There is so much more to me than that.  And there is so much more to all of us than our relationship status.  No matter what the world says to us.

The only One's opinion that matters does not care if we are single, married, divorced, widowed or whatever!  He just wants our heart.