Sunday, February 2, 2014

My Miracle (2 of 2)

Ok.  Part two of this journey I have been on.  So.  I have gotten through the darkest time of my life.  Well, almost gotten through.  I still feel the pain and ache in my heart from all that is going on in my life, but with that pain is hope.  Hope like I have never felt before.  Here is why.  I believe and know my miracle is coming.

I have mentioned that before.  Not news if you have been following me.  The thing is, until a few weeks ago, I did not fully believe it.  In the past I hoped that maybe God would show me some attention and love and possibly grant my wishes.  But there was a part of me that thought since I have never really gotten what I wanted for this long, it may just never happen.  Not because God does not love me, but because it just seemed liklely it may never happen.

But you know what???  With my God, anything is possible.  He does not play by the rules of statistics and "likelihoods".  Quite the opposite actually.  He tends to bring the miracle just when us humans can see no way out.  That is what makes it a miracle.  Just think about all the Old Testament stories we heard in Sunday School and VBS.  That is what makes Him so amazing and powerful.  It is what makes Him the Maker of the Universe.  And through those times of longing and hurt, He makes us rely on Him.  Through this dark time I have learned and grown so much.   

And because so far He has not answered my prayers yet, I have come so much closer to Him.  It has been painful, lonely and terrifying.  But I look back and I see am stronger.  Because He caused me to be completely alone to only be able to turn to Him, I know now that if ever the time came where I actually had no person around to help me, I could do make it though with just Him.  I never really thought about that before.  My faith is stronger now.  I think through things for myself and go to God first instead of relying on others.  

I do know He is there.  And I actually trust Him with my WHOLE heart now.  That even though it is painful, there is purpose behind that.  I always heard that in church and from people going through difficult times, but until I went through the fire myself, I did not realize how true it really is.  Not only am I stronger now, but I am able to use this time to minister to others.  That is the whole reason I am sharing this story so publically. 

I do not write this to get sympathy.  I do not do it to get attention.  I feel God has called me to write so others can know they are not the only ones. That life is not easy.  Even for people who on the outside look like they have it all.  I know I live a blessed life.  I have a loving family and wonderful friends.  I am a well taken care of, educated and have a job that pays the bills.  I come from an amazing Christian family who is an example to me.  But you know what?  That does not mean life is not really, really hard sometimes.  That does not mean I don't struggle with my faith sometimes. 

God is not done with me yet.  And for that I am thankful.  That says to me that He has an UNREAL plan for my life.  He loves me.  I am His child.  He wants to give me the desires of my heart.  But knows me so well to know the best time to give it to me.  And although I may throw a fit like a baby, He won't budge.  But He has promised me that He will take care of me.  My miracle is coming.  And I know it is going to be beyond anything I ever imagined.  If He had given it to me before, I would not have appreciated it like I will now.  I do not know when, but He will not forsake me.  And this pain I struggle with, He is using to make me more like Jesus.  Which is the most important thing.  For Him to value me enough to take me through this means He has a plan, a plan that for any one else to deliver, impossible.  But my God can.  And He will.  My miracle is coming.