Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Shut up, Lindsay!

I thought this would be an appropriate title for my next one, just in case you all are thinking I have been talking way too much via this blog.  Although, I am not sure you would be reading this if you were thinking that negatively about it.  HAHA!   Dang, I am feeling kinda sassy in this one, huh?

But no, there is more to that title than just an impish wink to my loqacious tendencies.  As is the theme lately of my writing, I am going to share a lesson I have learned from God the past few months.  Which is to keep my mouth shut.  And not only my actual mouth.  But also the voice in my  head, when I talk to God. 

I am a chatty type of person.  At least I used to be.  I could talk about pretty much anything for hours on end.  I actually had a couple more introverted friends laugh at me because between the three of us, I kept the conversation going all on my own.  I have conversations with myself all the time.  Sometimes out loud, but mostly inside my head.  Especially when I am trying to figure something out.  But God has taught me a very valuable lesson.

It all came about when I was in the darkest of moments and in the midst of a tantrum while talking to Him.  I just kept crying out to Him to answer my prayers and questions.  It was just so painful and I could not bear it any longer.  And then I heard it in my heart "Listen".  So I started talking again to Him, telling Him I DO listen.  It is HIM not answering.  Again, "Listen".  Again I start crying.  I just do not listen the first time (maybe I should give my Kindergarteners a break if I can't even do it).
Then one more time, "LISTEN".  Finally, I shut up.  My mouth and brain.  And no joke.  He whispered to my broken heart exactly what I needed in that moment.

He did not give me a step by step plan of what He is going to do.  He did not tell me to stop my whining and get over it.  Although, to be fair, that is likely what I should have been told.  Nope, He gave me what was necessary for me to keep breathing and to trust Him.

So sometimes. I just need to shut up. Not that God would ever use such harsh words. But I am often way too bust trying to figure out my problems and trying to talk it out to hear Him. He has taught me that I have to stop trying to analyze and fix my own problems. Because I won't. His ways are not mine. He has a greater and bigger soultion that I could never imagine or do myself. It only hurts me more to think I figured it out and realize I have no idea what I am talking about. 

So I have put this into practice.  I try, as difficult as it is, so really try to focus and listen to Him.  So hard to quiet my brain and heart sometimes though.  Not only on the inside, but I have also put this into practice in everyday life.  I do not talk as much any more.  I try to keep things to myself and not go on and on about my life, but listen more to others.  Maybe you have noticed I keep things to myself more.  That's why.  I do not believe it will be forever.  But for a time.  I am keeping my lips zipped.

 Not that it is a bad thing to talk. But in this season of my life, God has asked me to stop talking so much. To rely on Him. When I do need to talk through something, I can come to Him. And I do. But I also need to take a moment to chill and listen.  Gave more meaning to "Be still and know I am God".  It is hard one, but I am learning.