Monday, February 10, 2014

To all of YOU, thank you!

I want to start off by saying thank you to each and every one of you.  You will see why, not that I really need to explain myself.  Just take the thanks, okay????

Have you noticed that very often, right when you need them, God sends the exact people you need into your life?  I have been thinking about that lately.  Probably because I have changed so much of who I am and how I think in the past months.  So with that comes reassessing of different relationships in my life.  And although, admittedly, I even now question where God is sometimes, I see Him working through the people He puts in my life.  This has happened all throughout my life.  I could tell stories till the cows come home.  (But nobody wants that, right?) 

Here are some examples I have had in my life just in the past few months. When I felt like there was no one in the world that understood the pain I was dealing with, because to my eyes, all my friends had a special person they rely on in this world, and I felt so very alone; He sent me a friend who got that.  Then when I was so deep in my pain I could see no hope, he brought me someone who has endless positivty and taught me to hope again.  Then, when in the darkest of the dark He showed me I had someone I could write out everything to, that knew all sides to my story and situation and loved me enough to let me process by writing (if you have not figured it out by now, that is how I often work through things) and who could view things from a knowledgable and caring persepective.  And even on an evening I was broken and had holed myself up in my little cave, refusing to enter the world, my darling High School boys, who are part of the youth at my church, came over just to say hi.  This may sound silly, but I had given up on me making a difference in the world, and then they show up making me feel that I do matter.  It meant more than they will ever know.

And for that I am thankful.  I look back and I see all the people that have impacted my life.  Even if they do not see it, because of one small comment or smile, or a call/text asking how I am.  It made a difference.  So I want to say thank you.  Even to the peope that have hurt me through this. 

Sometimes people stay and fight for a friendship.  Sometimes they do not.  My pain was intense.  I realize that many could not handle it.  Whether they did not want to see a friend hurting, or if they just were too caught up in themselves.  Either way.  It taught me something.  God used it to better His and my relationship.  I can't worry about those that hurt me.  I have to move on.  But thank you. 

Along with that, I do need to apologize.  I shut the world out for a good, long while.  I was not social.  I did not put the effort I used to into friendships.  I just could not muster the strength.  All of that was focused on just trying to breathe through the pain.  And if I hurt you by doing this, I am so very sorry.  If I made you feel unwanted, I am so very sorry.  I do still love you. All of you.  I am good at loving, remember?  But I realize now that I had to go through that, to get right with God.  But I never meant to hurt anyone.  Again, I am sorry.   

Not only during my dark days did He send people, but all throughout this crazy journey I have been on.  Now that I got the kick in the behind, I have started writing again.  Thanks to the people God has put in my path.  And I have gotten such a great response (well, mostly).  I am so blessed to encourage others.  Just by being honest about my story.  All because others took the time to encourage me.  So. Thank you. 

You may not know it, but you changed me.  To quote my favorite musical: "Because I knew you, I have been changed for good".

P.S.  If you want a specific way that you have impacted and changed me, I am happy to tell you.  Just ask.  :) I just didn't want to go through everyone in a blog... that would be awkward and a pretty boring novel, at least until your chapter came up. HA!