Tuesday, July 1, 2014

An Answer to Prayer

I want to start off saying that I truly do not know why God has called me to share this journey of mine with you.  But I believe it is what I have been called to do, and if I have learned anything from the Bible and my life, if God is calling you to do something, best do it right quick.  So here we go with another one.
More often than not, these blogs share my struggles and truths that I have learned from them.  This one is not.  Quite the opposite.  I realized today a miracle has occurred in my heart.  And I just HAD to share it with you all.  But let's get some background information.
As I have shared before, and likely will again.  I feel things.  DEEPLY.  Honestly, that seems like not enough to describe it.  But there really is no other way, unless you have a secret machine where we could switch hearts and you feel mine and I yours.  That would be crazy, and kinda awesome.  Not the point.  I have come to accept some people will never understand my heart, just like I will never understand others.  God made us different on purpose.  I used to be ashamed of how I was made.  And because of how I feel things, I can honestly say more times than not, my heart has taken over and caused pain with no point to it.  And instead of trusting God and using this gift of love and compassion, I dwell in the pain and let that win.  NO more.  So here is what happened today.
 I am single.  Granted, I know I have talked about not wanting people to only see that about me.  But let's be real.  It is a factor to part of my struggles as an adult.  Not the only one, not at all.  But it is definitely towards the top.  My heart longs to love, encourage, support, etc. someone else on that level.  And I have often felt I am missing out because I am not been granted that blessing yet.  Especially with the gifts God has given me.  And that hurt.  So much.  So many people said to appreciate my singledom.  Oooooh.  And sometimes I wanted to punch those people.  Ok, not the point.  I have made huge strides in being cool with being single.  As I have shared.  Seriously, jump back 5 years, I have grown a lot.  But I will be completely forthcoming.  I have never been 100% content with my singleness.
 Even though I have learned a lot, there was always a little nagging in my silly heart.  Especially when going out with friends who often talk about husbands/kids.  Or another announcement of some sort.  Not that I was not thrilled for them, I just felt like the kid left out of the cool kids club.  I would wonder "What did I do wrong to get excluded?"  I never got an answer.  But you know what?  That is okay!
And then a miracle happened today.  I woke up.  And for the first time in my life I was not just fine with being single, I was content, grateful even.  It is like something in my heart and mind finally lined up and I accepted it.  I laid in my bed and thanked God for it.  I get to sleep in till an hour I will not share because it is not nice to brag.  I get to do what I want to do. Go where I want.  And most importantly, work on me.
With all these struggles, I have not been very social.  Seriously, it hurt to go out.  I have no idea why.  But it is true.  I was broken.  For many reasons, it seemed my friends had backed away or disappeared.  I asked God why.  Again, no answer.  But because I was in this solitude so often, I was forced to lean on God and look at myself (and let me tell you, not pretty).  And through that God is healing me.  And this is one way He has finally gotten through to me.  And I am so grateful.  I truly never thought I would get to this place in my life.  I thought there would always be a little part of me that was devastated I have been alone for my whole life.  So glad I was proven wrong.
I also realized something else through this. I am learning how to use this gift of compassion God has given me.  To use the ache in my heart.  And I am going to be brave and ask you to help.
I often am often overwhelmed by others difficulties and the pain of this world.  I can't let it overwhelm me.  That is when my emotions tell me to give up, it is not worth it, and there is no hope.  But it simply isn't true.  So I pray for them.  And I am asking you to do the same.  Prayer changes things.  So it may seem odd, but I am done apologizing for things I feel God has called me to do.  Here are some things that my heart is burdened for right now (I have not asked if I could put their names so I won't for now):
- The health of 3 wonderful people in my life
- The people we come in contact with daily that see no hope in life, struggling with mental health
- Those that do not accept the Truth of Jesus
- And finally, I have a specific friend that I have been burdened for awhile now (no idea why), that their heart is transformed and walk toward God.

I do not mean to sound arrogant.  I wanted to share this break through.  And ask for you to come alongside to pray for the things on my heart.